lost it all

i realized I've lost a couple of things lately...

i lost my patience
especially when those people who don't know how to drive, drives big cars
or when they purposely hog the whole road just because they dont know how to estimate the distance between 2 cars or they don't even bother if they are hogging the road just because they are driving a big car
or worse, they drive at a speed of 30km/hr, during peak hour, expecting you to follow them all the way
or people who don't know how to use their bloody signal *ei, the signal is there not for show, USE IT*

i lost my respect for someone
i was brought up in a family that teaches me to respect others, especially those older than me
but what annoys me is a pathetic irritating i-know-it-all-and-im-always-right attitude
just because you're everyone's favorite doesn't mean you've got it all
you just went from the top of my list to OUT OF MY LIST!
i gave 150% of effort to control it, but enough is enough!

i lost my interest in mixing around
one thing i expect from people is a little respect, especially those younger than me
we can have a lot of fun together, but on top of it, the essence of respect must be presence nevertheless
how could you make fun of/embarrass me (yes, im using this word) in front of everyone and yet your my junior? and to have MY BATCH of people to top up my misery and to ENCOURAGE them? i bet you won't have anything to say to me if you don't bully me right?
what a shallow friendship this is!
where do i put my face now? and to EXPECT me to chill after that?
what my batch of people is doing doesn't give you the right to do it too.
you're my junior, and i deserve some respect here.
so, ive decided, i wont want to mix around you, people who don't respect me as i deserve

i lost my generosity
i used to find joy in giving people things; even though its something simple, a joy on a person's face never fails to give me a sense of fulfillment in life.
but recently, im so sick of giving.
i dont know why, but maybe its because some people just never appreciates what you've done for them and is always out to trying to rip you off even more

i lost my hope for happiness
being happy when i was little was such a easy thing, a little packet of candy can being me unlimited joy, even to the extend that i felt like the most blessed girl on earth.
but now all i feel is pressure, shame, depression, hatred and even more pressure
everything under the sun evolves around the same routine
everything i ever hoped for never come my way
and the best thing is it brings pleasure to people around me seeing me suffering

i lost my hope on counting on my friends for comfort
i used to have a very good friend when i was little, only to find out one day when her sister came to tell me that she hates me actually. i suspected it when she started to avoid me a few times.
since then, i told myself, there is no such things as 'best friends'
these things NEVER exists in life and it's all a lie to trick humans into believing that you could find someone you could rely on. that was why i NEVER stick to one person *sorry mom*
but as years passed, i was being opened into the world of trusting friends again. i was eager, only to find that my previous lesson stands true all the while.
when i was in need, you never understood my heart, instead you laugh at me, *it's never 'with me' and you know it*.
no matter how much i tried to pour it out to you, you never care but to brush it all aside and to say things like :"aiya, she always emo one la, no need to care bout her."
you only care for me when it's convenient and practical for you.
you never go an extra mile for me, never
and you call this a friendship and that you really did care for me?
i'm sorry, but this was not the definition of friendship that my gong gong taught me.
thanks for fulfilling my disappointment again.
don't worry, i won't blame you. i've got only myself to blame, to allow you to interfere with my life and to mess it up again.

and i lost my sleep
yes, to top everything, i cant sleep every night
it's been 5 months since i had a good night sleep.

I HATE DRIVING

I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
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I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
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I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
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I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!
I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING! I HATE DRIVING!

I HATE DRIVING!!!

i found... i found...

i found...... i found....

i found... a crazy bunch of ppl who likes to take silly pics and yes, i got the VICE PRESIDENT to do it too!!! *YEAAAAHH 100 points for me!*

i found... jeremy sun-bathing in his pajamas on the lunch table during camp...

i found.. a little bunny who has a very good life motto, that is to always be joyful!

i found... guys doing the dishes in camp *so nice to the girls... +100 points*

i found... jeremy curi-ing a fried chicken while everyone is not around, but was caught red handed by a young innocent kid *jer jer.......hahaha*

i found... a group of posers *impressive, guys...*

*GASP* i found out... my cousin is.................. *i dont wanna know, i dont wanna know*

i found..... ultramen

i found... star wars *i dunno what's the name of this character is*

i found.. transformer

i found.. a group of patriotic youngsters who thinks MALAYSIA BOLEH n Malaysia wil always b the first! way to go guys...

i found... a group of 'dancing queen' dance team candidates

i found... so many alphas this yr..

i found.. friends which i thought i might never meet again *unless of course during wedding time*

i found... a new family

I FOUND! my new twins!!!! lulusssssssssss

and yea, i found out... im old d..

old...